Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Arthur couldn’t help but smile. Alfred was gay too… maybe they had a chance… Kat was right they were perfect for each other. Arthur was for once glad he had moved to Oregon. Because he had two things worth staying for… Kat and Alfred were both so unconditionally nice to him. And Alfred had become a bit more… Wait a second what was he thinking he had only been there a few days… How could he have fallen in love with Alfred?! But he couldn’t help it. Alfred was so perfect. His bright blue eyes his soft blonde hair…
“Arthur”
“Yes?”
“Do you-“
Alfred was cut off by a sudden shout. They both turned around to see Kat face flat on the floor. They both dashed over to her. “Kat what the bloody hell happened!” shouted Arthur. The bell had already rung she should’ve been in class by now. Well so should Alfred and Arthur, but this was weird of Kat. She never skipped her parents would kill her if she did.
“Ah n-nothing I’m fine!” she quickly stood up. Alfred and Arthur were giving her curious looks. “Kat were you..?” Alfred asked her “Oh hell no! I was going to ask you guys something and I tripped…”
She dusted off her skirt “So guys my parents are finally gonna let me have another party!” she said excitedly “Seriously!” Alfred exclaimed. He had heard about some of Kat’s previous parties, apparently they kicked ass. “Yeah! Plus I can invite whoever I want!” she beamed at them. She then realized she was totally ruining their moment and looked back down “Well I’m gonna head to class now guys you have fun!” She quickly turned around and walked about two yards but was soon stopped by a teacher “Miss Kat may I see your hall pass?” He asked her scowling. She quickly pulled out her hall pass, showed him and scurried off back to class.
Alfred and Arthur looked at each other quickly. They were totally screwed. “Quick!” Alfred grabbed Arthur by the arm and pulled them into the nearest bathroom, which was luckily the boys’ bathroom. They both quickly ran into a stall hoping the teacher wouldn’t find them there. They heard the bathroom door slowly open. They held their breathe as foot steps made their way towards them. Soon the foot steps turned around and left the bathroom. They both gasped and started laughing uncontrollably. “Oh dude that was close…” Said Alfred gasping for air “It was” replied Arthur.
They both finally caught their breath and looked at each other. It was funny, thought Alfred, he had never imagined being in a bathroom stall with the guy he liked and being totally cool with it. Maybe some of Kat’s weirdness was rubbing off on him.
“So Arthur…” Said Alfred softly
“I wanted to ask you something”
“Alfred just spit it out already”
Alfred laughed a little before taking a deep breath “Do you... Wanna be my boyfriend?” Alfred’s heart was pounding out of his chest
“Alfred…” Said Arthur as he looked into his deep blue eyes
“Of course I will you bloody git”
Alfred then threw his arms around Arthur “Arthur…!” His heart was beating to fast to say another word. He didn’t even care though. In that one moment everything seemed to fade away from them. Their homesickness, their fear of being patronized for being homosexual, their hate of Sam and Jake, all of it was gone. They had each other now and that was all that mattered. Alfred held Arthur as tight as he could
causing Arthur to blush furiously.
“Alfred are you going to stand there all day or kiss me?” Smiled Arthur. Kat had told him that one... It was good. Alfred looked into Arthur’s eyes not knowing what to do. He had never kissed anyone before. What the hell was he supposed to do?! Arthur let out a chuckle and pressed his lips against Alfred’s. Alfred and Arthur both could feel their faces turn bright red… But it felt amazing this time. The exhilaration of being so close to each other, the feel of each other’s lips… it was absolutely amazing. Neither of them wanted it to end. Who cares if they were in a bathroom stall? Who cares if they’re gay? The world is so much more than just missing something. It’s about adventures, and meeting new people, doing new things. Who cares about being homesick?
Alfred and Arthur continued their kiss for a record braking twelve minutes. More like twelve seconds but it felt to Arthur like it had lasted a lifetime. Oregon wasn’t all that bad. As long as Alfred was there with him. They both stood catching their breath the red on their faces refusing to fade.
“That was…” Arthur breathed
“Amazing?” Finished Alfred
“Yeah… Amazing”
I find them to be just a bit Ooc, as Alfred is usallly obnoxious loud etc.
And also Arthur wouldent fail a test even if he had just moved there, hes a hard worker when it comes to school grades
hes also stubborn etc,
Also, when I started reading this I thought they would have been like 13, they way they kinda acted, im not sure how old you are, but at my age no one really says "im going to tell your parents/teacher/principal, its just not normal.
And another tip, some people dont always like OCs, so instead you could always use other characters from hetalia and make them those characters, but ooc yanno? :3
your kiss scene was cute :3 But I think you rushed things. you could have little events of were they share a accidental intimant moment, or they share good times together so then Alfred does realize hes gay after he falls in love with Arthur after a period of time. Im a gay male and I knew it took some struggling before i let myself be convinced I was.
Also to make your fic run smoother you must make a new paragraph evreytime a new person talks, i see you do this with some parts but not all, the reader will get confused at some points because its bunched together, so remember that :3
for example here : She dusted off her skirt “So guys my parents are finally gonna let me have another party!” she said excitedly “Seriously!” Alfred exclaimed. He had heard about some of Kat’s previous parties, apparently they kicked ass. “Yeah! Plus I can invite whoever I want!” she beamed at them. She then realized she was totally ruining their moment and looked back down “Well I’m gonna head to class now guys you have fun!” She quickly turned around and walked about two yards but was soon stopped by a teacher “Miss Kat may I see your hall pass?” He asked her scowling. She quickly pulled out her hall pass, showed him and scurried off back to class.
It should be like this :
She dusted off her skirt “So guys my parents are finally gonna let me have another party!” she said excitedly
“Seriously!” Alfred exclaimed. He had heard about some of Kat’s previous parties, apparently they kicked ass.
“Yeah! Plus I can invite whoever I want!” she beamed at them. She then realized she was totally ruining their moment and looked back down “Well I’m gonna head to class now guys you have fun!” She quickly turned around and walked about two yards but was soon stopped by a teacher.
“Miss Kat may I see your hall pass?” He asked her scowling. She quickly pulled out her hall pass, showed him and scurried off back to class.
It flows much smoother and is easyer on the eyes.
I hope I wasint rude, but those are my thoughts from experience with high english grades (im in grade 10 now) and from being a very very very active fanfic reader (like 20 a day haha)
Id love to see more aswell :3